A Transparent Life (part 1)

I grew up telling on myself.  If I did something wrong and I felt guilty…I couldn’t keep it a secret for very long.  But, if I did something that someone else thought was incorrect and I didn’t agree…well then, too bad for everyone involved.  I wasn’t going to budge, much less offer up an apology.  Not until I knew in my mind and in my heart that I was wrong.  Oh, what it must have been like to raise me… a justice driven only child with red-hot irish blood pulsing through my veins.  I’m sure it was no picnic.

I still tell on myself.  I can’t help it.  I want people to know that I am hopelessly flawed.  I want them to see the real me.  No fluff, no unrealistic expectations…nothing in the way of myself.  So, I don’t mind you knowing that I love reality television.  I can spend hours watching real housewives bicker and get plastic surgery all day long.  I’m still carrying an extra 30 pounds from my pregnancy with Rowan…and sometimes I cry because I hate how I feel.  I often have to fight back comparing myself to others.  It seems as though everyone else got all the luck and I’m the underdog.  For the last several years I have promised myself and others that I would start college, I even filled out an application.  But, I never went.  Maybe next semester?

See, I feel somewhat comforted putting all of this out into cyberspace for everyone to read.

But, these are the things I know that make me imperfect and flawed.  What about the things I don’t see?  For someone like me, I can’t just go off of what someone else may see in my life, I need the proof for myself.   So, as a disciple and discipler, as a leader who is being led, or as a pastor’s wife who is being pastored how do we get to the point where we can trust what others may need to point out in our life?  Even beyond that, how do we point out things in the lives of others that may need a little push in the right direction?

To Be Continued…

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4 thoughts on “A Transparent Life (part 1)

  1. Thank you for sharing. I feel like I could have written that post. I did finish college, but I often find myself loathing my student loans and the burden they are on my husband. I have recently found myself struggling with the balance between encouragement and rebuking. I can’t wait to read the rest of your post!

  2. Jana~

    I love how real you keep things! Thanks for sharing and ‘telling’ on yourself. I understand how you feel about the extra baby weight. I was in the midst of losing weight when I got pregnant. I had lost 60 lbs but still had 30 to go and well, let’s just say I gained a bit more than the 30-35 recommended lbs with Micah! I’m still about 30 away from pre-pregnancy weight, then there’s more to go. It’s hard feeling good about that.
    It is a tough thing to go back to school! Just remember to give yourself some grace. It’s so easy to offer grace to others, but we sometimes are too stubborn to accept it ourselves!
    Looking forward to part 2!

    Have a great weekend~Heather

  3. Good stuff…I love your transparency.

    Although I don’t have a baby, I have been feeling bad about myself about when it comes to my weight and the way my clothes is starting to fit. I want to lose 10 lbs but keep making excuses for it, too. I’m too busy, will start once I finish grad school, etc. But in the meantime it’s affecting the way I feel about myself and adding guilt on top of it.

    So what do you want to get your degree in…I think you should go for it! I will keep this specifically in my prayers for you.

    God bless!

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