2006 – Broussard, LA (Christmas vacation in Denver, CO)
Snow covered the ground and more was expected as the day progressed. Barry and I flew into Colorado to spend Christmas with family and we also arranged to meet up with some friends over lunch while we were in town. We started the day off with sweet memories as we went back to the spot where Barry proposed. Garden of the Gods will forever hold a special place in my heart. It has held the secrets to a thousand conversations between Barry and myself and that day was no different.
As we made our way to the tree where Barry proposed we spoke candidly with each other. We began to realize the magnitude of what was happening in our lives. We were physically and emotionally exhausted and the thought of going back to life as normal in Louisiana seemed almost unbearable. Yet, the thought of leaving seemed worse. We couldn’t help but think about what that would do to the college students we pastored and loved so dearly. We just couldn’t handle the thought of hurting them in any way. The situation seemed confusing and unmanageable, so we both resigned to just wait on God’s direction. We knew things could not continue as usual…we were near the brink of no return if they did.
We arrived at PF Changs as the storm moved in closer. We figured we would receive calls to cancel lunch, but instead everyone showed up and greeted us with warm hugs and familiar smiles. The sight of such dear and true friends brought a surge of joy to my heart. I felt at home with them, I felt peace around them and in the same breath I felt nervous. They seemed to see through my smile, as if they knew what I was trying so desperately to hide. I was miserable on the inside. My self-worth had become dependant upon my ability to make my leaders and pastors happy, but as time went on that seemed completely out of reach. I was left with an empty shell of my former self. I was faded and torn, a used vessel with very little left to give. Everything I knew of God, ministry and marriage was on the line.
We needed an intervention and we had no idea we were about to receive one in the middle of a blizzard.