When did God move out of His house?

2006 – Broussard, LA

The meeting ended on a low note.  I tried to fight back the tears, but the more I struggled, the more they flowed.  I felt stupid and emotional as they stared back at me with blank faces.  Barry and I had just bore our souls and all we received in return were rehearsed quotes and statements of intent.  We learned that they saw us as part of the family and they were grooming us for greater things.  They told us our dreams would come true…in the house.  That was their favorite saying…”Your dreams will come true in the house”  Meaning, if you serve the vision here, then God will eventually bless your faithfulness by allowing your dreams to come true.  But, it implied that God’s will for our lives could not come true apart from serving them, their goals and expectations.  We were told in that meeting that they felt Barry was not called to lead worship ever again.  They strongly felt that was not his gifting and they urged him to not spend any more time pursuing that form of ministry.  Those words stung and crippled a very active part of Barry’s calling.  A piece of his heart was purposefully crushed that day and it took years to recover.

We sat in complete dismay as they prayed over us and then quickly dismissed themselves from our home.  As soon as the door shut behind them I simply broke down.  Sobbing so hard that I was blinded by the stream of endless tears.  Barry tried to comfort me…he knew I was crushed.  But even more than the sadness welling up in my soul…I felt trapped and manipulated.  I couldn’t understand how the meeting took such a dramatic turn, but somewhere it went from us sharing our dreams to feeling as though we had not heard God’s calling correctly.  In a matter of moments we went from confident to completely insecure.  Our trust in God’s voice was indirectly questioned and we were made to feel silly for even believing that God would call us to more than what they felt appropriate for our lives.  At the time we didn’t see it, but during that meeting we agreed to release our future into their hands…and without realizing it…we replaced God’s voice and perfect will for a man’s counterfeit version.

10 thoughts on “When did God move out of His house?

  1. OH, sister…i was also told, ‘we’re just not sure you’re what we want on our team’ – on the worship team, that is. i had spent years of my life in choirs and choruses in lessons – knowing i was called to be a worshiper – i started even as a voice major in college – which is only to say, when i heard him say that, i heard, ‘you’re voice isn’t powerful or pretty enough’ or ‘we don’t like to see you worship’…like barry, it. took. YEARS. to recover that part of my heart. even now, i took myself off the worship team that i only now sometimes attend last fall because i just couldn’t help believing that i was good enough and i was striving so much. ugh. this all just breaks my heart but i know jesus is so sweet and so good.

    still reading…

    1. It’s so common and so wrong…yet I’m still amazed when people confirm that this was said to them as well. Go sing your heart out…Barry is free to lead worship again and I must say it is more powerful than ever. He is Free and it is amazing!

  2. IMO God moved out the day he opened this church and stepped out of what may have been his real calling, evangelism…back in the day, he was a good teacher and evangelist….wow that tasted like vinegar coming out of my mouth…haha

  3. I am behind,,, but getting caught up. i know why it has taken me so long to read this. Because I love you and this makes me so angry. To think that anyone would touch two precious souls that I love. Funny but something very much along the same lines happened to me. As I cried to my Daddy God I heard him say.. Who died and made “him” ( the pasture that hurt me about what gift he thought I should have) God. I know i’m just quoting it like it came to me. I realized in that moment no one died and made that man God. God died to make me free. God died that I might live and man did not have permission to tell me what anointing I should and should not have. I am not saying that i should not respect authority for I should but at the same time authority should respect me as a child of the King most high. Love you two more than you can every know. i love Rowan also even though I do not know him yet.

  4. “That was their favorite saying…”Your dreams will come true in the house” Meaning, if you serve the vision here, then God will eventually bless your faithfulness by allowing your dreams to come true. But, it implied that God’s will for our lives could not come true apart from serving them, their goals and expectations. ”

    This was exactly why it was hard for my husband and I to leave. I realized after we left our old church that I had been manipulated into thinking we would be outside of God’s will – “the covering” – and would be susceptible to all the evil in the world if we did. I even had the fear that God would not help us or bless us financially if we left! Such confusion. It’s ironic, too, because the opposite of my fears was the truth.

    Thanks again for sharing. It’s helpful to know someone’s been through this – and you are wiling to share. The time, place, and exact circumstances may not be the same, but the hurt, manipulation, and confusion is all too familiar.

  5. Are you and Barry doing what you feel called to do now? Is Barry leading worship again? We need a worship leader, you can come and do whatever you like in our church he he 🙂 In fact I am sure there are churches all over the world praying for people such as yourself.

    1. Absolutely! We are completely in LOVE with where God has placed us…that is the second part of our story…the miracle of God’s faithfulness and timing. 🙂

  6. Jana,
    thank you for sharing so candidly. The feelings you are sharing are so familiar to me. I’m so happy that truth is being shared through u and your blog. I just wish the smokescreen over “there” would be dissolved, and things revealed as what they really are. It shall happen in Gods will and timing.

  7. My heart breaks for you. I have been there. I just want you to know that you have become a refuge. A place for others to come and receive healing. A place for others to come and be encouraged to be all that God has called them to be. Thank you.

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