2007 – Broussard, LA
I rushed around the house, I couldn’t find my shoes or my resume. “UGH…I’m so tired of these stupid job interviews.” I complained out loud as I ran to the car, directing my gaze to the sky so that God could see the frustrated look on my face. I wanted Him to help me find a job, I was tired of being patient and waiting on His timing. Money was getting tight and fear of the future was setting in.
I reached into my purse and pulled out the small binder full of scriptures to help ease my mind. We started off our resignation with such hope, such determination and there I was…questioning if we had made the right decision. I was facing a battle and I wanted to give in…I was just too tired to really fight.
Sitting in the hot car I read over the scriptures God had spoken to my heart only weeks before. The word of God was my best friend and favorite weapon against the attacks of the enemy on my faith. For the first time in years I was forced back to trusting God instead of a man or a group of pastors. It was freeing and terrifying all at the same time. Despite the abuse we had suffered, at least we had a human voice telling us what to do. Now I was alone…with God…talking to Him…trusting Him….or at least trying to trust Him. I felt silly and distant, I even reintroduced myself to Him because praying to the same God that I felt had abandoned me and left me to suffer…it was difficult and to be perfectly honest…sometimes…it still is.
“Um, Hi God…this is Jana Bishop…I used to know you really well, but I’ve been hurt and now I’m questioning everything about you. Please forgive me…I know this will take time. But, I know deep inside that I love you and I want to truly know you again.” Amen…oh and please, please for crying out loud… GIVE ME A FREAKIN’ JOB!!!