My heart was full of shame as I walked to my desk…I had made a mistake and it was eating away at me. I had always been my harshest critic and this day was no different. As silly as it was I fought back the idea that I might be fired. Even though my mistake was common and minimal I had grown accustomed to years of walking on egg shells in the ministry. Those old feelings were haunting me as I sat down to continue my workday.
My computer screen lit up as I clicked on my email icon. What I saw lifted my spirits and left me speechless…there were several emails from my boss’ waiting for my attention. One said “Great Idea” the other said “Atta Girl” there were more, all responses from emails I had sent out before the weekend. Despite the fact that my work week started off with a sense of defeat, the tide quickly turned. What was a glaring mistake in my eyes, was merely life in a fast paced office to them. They weren’t focused on my shortcomings…they weren’t focused on anyone’s shortcomings for that matter. And they weren’t afraid to offer thanks and compliments when appropriate. We were a team, working together for success and each and every day in their office ebbed away at my old way of thinking. There were hard days and times when I sat in my office and cried, but it was what I needed to experience in order to grow. I needed to see the way people without the title pastor in front of their name resolved conflict. And of all things, I needed to see that I was valued for who I was and not for the hours I worked or how quickly I typed a letter.
Day in and day out my heart was healing and the way in which God was allowing me to see truth was gentle and kind…but He was making things very clear. What I had known and lived under for years was wrong and the reality of the truth was slowly setting me free.